Today I broke a shot glass,
as I was putting away groceries for my mom.
It tumbled off the shelf and shattered.
After arguing about it she slapped me - in the face.
Immeditily tears formed in my eyes,
But I was able to supprss them as she continued yelling accompained by my grandmom's degrading comments.
I then had to clean up the splintered pieces swallowing my mounting anger...
How dare she lay a finger on me. Nice to know that old habits die hard. I thought she'd finally stopped with the physical violence - more out of aging physical inability to carry it out, rather than revelation that it is wrong.
But what can I do?...Is it better to hold this grudge against her or forget it. It takes so much energy to keep up conflicts these days...besides, she's my mom. And she doesn't always use physical tactics. I used to hate her so much...now it doesn't seem to matter as much anymore. Sometimes I need her and I can confine in her...other times things will get physical and she'll tell me how worthless I am, and how she wants me gone. I barely see her anyway. Oh well, there goes that relationship...

This played in my head as everything went down. Not all the lyrics apply, just the chorus "something must have made you say that, what did I do, to make you say..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wRUAMqDQ5s&feature=related

Summer camp. Natalie’s church had planned the retreat and she had volunteered to help for the next two weeks. Natalie was stoked to find she had been chosen as one of the lifeguards. The job demanded respect, authority, and you looked hot doing it! Upon arriving at the camp Natalie met her co-lifeguard Kenny. Natalie was hesitant at first, at only 5’6” she towered over him. Although what Kenny lacked vertically he made up with his chiseled muscles. Natalie was nervous her colleague was going to be a dense meat-head, but Kenny was the epitome of a southern gentleman. Hailing from Kentucky, they often joked about the stereotypes associated with the state.

“Do you like KFC? Kentucky fried chicken?” she asked.

“Yeah!”

“Have u been to the Kentucky derby?”

“Nope.”

They found it hilarious to declare the state Kenny-tucky.

After the first couple of days working at the pool with the property staff Natalie spotted him. He strode threw the gates and casually convened with the other property staff. Despite the summer heat John managed to pull off the rebellious punk rocker look effortlessly. He had a buzzed Mohawk which toned the rocker vibe to refined. His sleeveless shirts hugged his robust upper body. He even bore a skull tattoo on his bicep. Averting her eyes Natalie attempted to look busy monitoring the pool. But her eye caught the words sprawled on his shirt.

"And Shepherds we shall be

For thee, my Lord, for thee.

Power hath descended forth from Thy hand

Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.

So we shall flow a river forth to Thee

And teeming with souls shall it ever be.

In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

Before she could stop herself she was reciting the words aloud.

“I love that. Boondock Saints is my favorite movie!” She exclaimed. The next 20 minutes where spent in conversation dotted with laughter. Over the next week Natalie managed to mingle in the staff conversations, and John’s visits to the pool became more frequent.

 

            On a sweltering afternoon, the camp orchariastrated an intense obstacle course. Natalie and the other summer staff had patrolled the stations encouraging campers to complete each task as a team. The summer staff girls had gathered beforehand and chosen matching athletic outfits. Natalie was smitten she had nonchalantly packed a pair of white knee socks topped with 3 black stripes, which the girls envied. After the activity had finished Natalie and Kenny rushed to the pool anticipating the crowd of kids that would soon descend upon the pool. Taking their posts, Natalie began the laborious task of applying sunscreen to her fair skin. Kenny mocked her, however later in the week he had ended up with a wicked sunburn. As the kids poured in Kenny and Natalie settled in for the tedious and typically uneventful hours spent glued to their chairs in the humid summer heat. John made his usual appearance to ‘fill up his water bottle’, a clever cover, he seemed to refill his jug more frequently every day. Natalie and John would often make eye contact and unsure of how to react, they chose to revert to childhood tactics and make a face accompanied by a smirk. John made a comment to Brooke, a property staff member that assisted with life guarding, which left her in a fit of laughter. John glanced at Natalie across the pool with a mischievous smile. Suspicious Natalie called across the pool “What are you saying about me?”

“Nothing but good things…” John nonchalantly replied.

Natalie tried to conceal her blush by looking captivated by a game a group of campers were playing in the shallow end. John strode back to his work area on the dock. Natalie’s stand overlooked the bay and from her position she was able to inconspicuously gaze at him. Natalie prodded Brooke. “Tell me what he said!”

“I’ll tell you later.” She replied.

After a half hour Natalie’s patience mounted. “Pleeeeeeease! I’m curious.”

“He said he thought your socks were sexy, but he didn’t want to tell you because he didn’t want you to get mad because, you’re like…a Christian.”

Natalie was ecstatic and outraged. Maybe he likes me!? Any guy that makes a comment to a girl friend of their target, knows that the girl’s friend will repeat it. However, she was extinguished that he felt he couldn’t tell her because she was religious. Why did people have such a misconception of Christians? The stereotype that Christian girls were vestal virgins, that were constantly prim and proper had always angered her. Though a virgin herself, Natalie enjoyed the sexuality she could exude effortlessly, and without actually engaging in anything. Later that day John made another appearance. Natalie was changing stands with Kenny and circling the pool as John was exiting. She grasped his arm to stop him.

“So how come you couldn’t tell me you found my attire…‘sexy’?” Natalie had been contemplating the line. She stressed the last word letting it roll off her tongue.

He laughed.

“I didn’t want to offend you. If this wouldn’t a Christian camp I would have…you know.”

“Oh come on! You totally wussed out.” She teased him. “We’re not saints or something, it would have been funny.”

“Well, then the next time I have a comment on your clothing choices I’ll let you know.”

“Good.” And with that she turned and strode to her stand.

            Throughout the next week they continually interacted. When the pool was slow Natalie would call out to John on the dock. He even began coming to dinner with the staff. The constantly caught each other’s gaze, quickly turning away to conceal their emotions. Doing some background research on John through casual conversation with other property staff, Natalie had found he had a girlfriend. Not only that, but…they lived together. Natalie was crushed. Alas…she found this intriguing. He was a flirt. In one of their numerous conversations John had told her he used to be a ‘dog’, she had somehow sensed that recklessness about him. But Natalie wasn’t interested in a relationship and this summer fling was intoxicating.

 

            The camp carnival revealed more flirtatious behavior. While setting up and awaiting the kid’s arrival, the summer staff and property staff interacted and played some of the carnival games to pass the time. Natalie was trying to decipher the cotton candy machine, while John played with a barrel of plastic pigs at the Hog Toss. Unexpectedly Natalie was struck with a flying hog. Arming herself with the pig she looked for the culprit. John chuckled. Natalie hurled the pig at him. Thus began the hog flog. The two armed themselves with a pig in each hand and swung them wildly, each hit erupting in laughter. John knocked one of Natalie’s braided pigtails. Natalie retailed. Sucker punch! The pig slapped John’s face.

“Ou! Are you okay?” Natalie tried to conceal her laughter with concern.

“Fine!” John replied as he hurled another pig into Natalie’s thigh. Eventually a truce was called as the campers filled in.

 

            The sneak out pool party. The final day of camp. After a long two weeks Natalie welcomed an end to the chaos, but regretted the thought of leaving the friendships she’d established. Campers snuck out of their bunks and crept down to the pool, only to find a massive camp pool party! The campers were clueless to the events planned for the evening, and the pool was closed in preparation, so Natalie and Kenny had been free to wonder the grounds. They gathered with the other summer staff around the beach bonfire. Eager for a last shot at a connection with John, Natalie plotted a seemingly innocent gesture. Crystal, Whitney and KJ, other members of the summer staff were still working their jobs at the water zip line. Natalie snagged a smore and made her way to the dock. Whitney and KJ were enthralled in conversation, so she waved and continued down the dock towards Crystal and John. John was in the water beside the dock assisting campers out of the water after their zip line ride. Natalie offered the smore to Crystal, hoping she’d decline.

“No thanks.” Natalie was relieved; she had made the smore deliberately for John. Hearing the conversation John eagerly chimed in. “Hey! I want a smore!”

Perfect! Natalie carelessly shrugged “Okay.”

John was grateful. Maybe he knew her motives.

“Did you get to go on the zip line?” Crystal asked. Earlier in the day, Natalie and Kenny had been discussing their devastation that they hadn’t had time to ride the zip line.

“No. Kenny and I are bummed.”

“You should go now, there’s no line.”

Natalie’s eyes widened with the thought.

“Can we?! Really?!”

“Yeah.”

Unable to control her excitement Natalie let out a yelp of exhilaration and sprinted up the dock back to the bonfire. The sand slowed her quest but Natalie arrived promptly, panting. She grabbed Kenny, starling him.

“We can go on the water zip!” she exclaimed.

“Really?!”

“Yes!” Natalie took Kenny’s arm and began dragging him up the beach behind her. Harnessed and ascending the staircase that lead to the jump off point Natalie’s thrill became anxiety. She wasn’t particularly fond of heights but this was something you just had to do, it was worth it. Standing on the edge of the platform and looking at the ground below Natalie’s nerves mounted again. She swallowed the fear and jumped. The feeling in the pit of her stomach twisted, but the sensation of free falling was invigorating. She screamed in thrill. Crashing into the water Natalie’s feet sunk into the mushy bay sand. They were able to go again, and after their second ride campers were expelled to their cabins for the night…or so they thought. John exited the water and joined the other staff on the dock. Natalie had never seen him topless and his toned body was even more impressive as the water cascaded down his chest. As the staff thinned heading towards the pool Natalie and John joked about an argument they’d playfully continued all week. For the record, Bull sharks cannot live in brackish water (aka the Chesapeake Bay).

“So I guess this is the last time I’ll ever see you…” Kyle voice trailed off into the crimson night sky. Natalie was unaware of the finality of their time together until that moment.

“You’re going to the pool party though, right?” she prodded.

“For a little, to say goodbye.”

Suddenly a heard of kids began to charge towards them. Natalie and John rushed to the pool. Thwarted, Natalie pulled herself away from John and hurried to her post. Natalie and Kenny took to their stands enjoying ice cream sundaes that the kitchen staff dispersed among the crowd. John mingled with the staff saying his goodbyes. With Natalie on duty she was anxious that they might not get a proper parting, but John had said he’d see her before he left. Patrolling the pool Natalie’s eyes were continually drawn to John. Their chemistry was electric. Eventually he rounded the pool towards her. They exchanged the mutual understanding of finality. This was it. After their usual taunts, John grew serious.

“Don’t I get a hug?”

Natalie had spent the conversation watching the inhabitants of pool to appear nonchalant with his departure. However, at this she blushed and dismounted her stand to enter his embrace. But before she entered his arms, she teased him. Earlier in the week they had discussed relationships. Natalie had always encountered dependent men, who confessed their undying love for her within weeks of their relationship. She longed for an independent man that made her lust for him; someone who painfully wanted her, but didn’t vitally need her. John had declared himself as the independent type of guy she was craving.

“Well…if you ever break up with your girlfriend I guess you’ll have to let me know…since you’re the only guy who isn’t clingy.”

He smirked.

Passion pulsed through her veins. Why couldn’t the summer be longer? Why did he have a girlfriend? Did it even really matter that he had a girlfriend? Her mind raced as the embrace continued. As their grip broke Natalie inconspicuously kissed his neck. Natalie sensed John was stunned. A romance scene that was straight out of a Hollywood movie. Natalie bit her lip trying to hold in her mischievous excitement that she’d actually been so forward and that it had played out so flawlessly. She mounted her stand and averted her gaze to the pool, an exuberant smile never leaving her lips. Upon regaining consciousness John stumbled to her podium.

“What’s your last name? Maybe I’ll look you up some time.” He asked. His eyes leisurely caressed her face, capturing her image to preserve in his memory.

“Steinhower.” She had always been a little embarrassed by her last name, but over the years she found its rarity interesting.

With a final exchange of goodbyes he was gone. Natalie was on a high. She targeted her energy towards her job and engaged in dancing with the other staff, feeling completely awake despite the late hour. Swiveling in her chair she took a final glance towards the dock. John was locking up and as he walked back Natalie wasn’t sure if he had noticed her gaze. John waved, they locked eyes and Natalie waved back. Sinking into her chair she breathed a sigh of release. Summer had begun with the tempting taste of pleasure.